Thursday, April 20, 2006

Wishing for a "magical" swimsuit


I had a rough day yesterday so when Jimmy got home from work he let me get out of the house for a while. These excursions can be bittersweet. "Sweet" because I can regain my sanity that was taken away from me bit by bit all day long. But, "bitter" because I usually come back to the "real world" with some type of purchase.
Last night was no different. While eating a nine piece order of chicken fries and slirping down a coke icee from Burger King I decided that this was probably not too good for me. No wonder I haven't seen a difference in my weight or shape after jogging for the past two weeks. I'm still eating crap! Duh! So, I left Burger King swearing off the junk for a while.
On to Kohl's. What a great store. I didn't have the kids with me last night, so I took advantage of it. I looked at every single rack they had in that store. I came to the swimsuits and decided "what the heck". I picked out a few and walked hesitantly to the dressing room. The whole way there I was thinking to myself, "What are you stupid. Do you really think these are gonna look good on you. Do you think they're "magical" swimsuits or something. Maybe if you put one on all the flab and stretchmarks on your pale white thighs will just disappear." POOF! GONE! I really think that is what I was hoping would happen.
Ok, so I'm in the dressing room with one of the 5 swimsuits on and I'm completely mortified at my reflection. I mean I knew it wasn't gonna be pretty, but I hadn't prepared myself for "totally horrifying"! Why am I doing this again? Someone please remind me. Why do swimsuits have to even exist? Can't the human race get away with never having to go into the water? I mean what if we brought back those cool swimsuits from the 40's and 50's. You know, the ones that almost cover every inch of your skin. They brought back bell bottoms and platform shoes. Let's bring back the old swimsuits. They could modernize them a little bit, and I bet those things would be flying off the shelf! Ok, maybe not. Whatever!
Well, after trying on all five of the suits I decided that the one pictured was the least "horrifying". Don't get me wrong, it still looks awful, but I figured it would give me a goal. The "swimsuit" goal. We've probably all attempted the "swimsuit" goal at least once in our life. If not, your day is coming so brace yourself.
I think if I didn't have small children that are about to be begging me to go to the pool in a few weeks I could get away with not having to purchase the stupid thing. But that's not the case. I have three little midgets wanting to swim. And not one of them knows how to swim, so I can't just tell them to go get in the water and leave me to sit on the lounge chair under my beach towel. No! That would be too easy. Instead, I have to walk all three of them to the water and stay there with them. Thus, visually scarring each and every set of eyes on the way. Sorry folks!
It has to stop. I'm putting my foot and the cupcakes down!

9 comments:

Ashley said...

I feel your pain sister!! I was at Target today and walked past all those cute little bitty swimsuits and thought--EEWWHHH--that is not going to be a pretty sight on this body! And it's not like you can go to the pool and hope that not everyone sees all of your business-You are chasing toddlers all over the place-Of couse everyones gonna see you running all around the pool just trying to keep up with the kids--and on top of that, also just hoping nothing falls out of the swimsuit that isn't suppose to!! Oh--the joys of motherhood and birthing these precious little runts!! It does such wonderful things to our once cute little bodies!! Yeah Right!!

Wonderful Windy said...

Well, that looks like a pretty small swim suit to me!!! I think you look fine. You and Caci have surprisingly identical taste for things such a these too!!! That means I could probably pick you out a surprise the next time we have a shopping spree!! Need you address or Caci will just get it!

Michelle said...

Again, it's funny that your writing about this too, because yesterday Hannah asked me if we could go to the pool and I told her no that Landon was to little. The same neighbor was sitting next to me and kinda grinned at me as Hannah walked away, and I said "really it's because Mommy doesn't have a swimming suit that fits right now, or that I'm willing to get into." Oh, to be 18 and flab free again!!!

Caci said...

After having Jacob and gaining the extra skin that he so graciously "gave" to me, I don't think I could even get into a Tankini. Yours is cute. My belly button is so abnormal I wouldn't want to horrify anyone with the sight of it. Not to mention the fact that I can't find my boobs since I have nursed 3 kids. If it isn't the "miracle swimsuit" from Victoria's Secret with lots of padding and underwire it isn't happening...I look like a boy. But reality strikes, and we live in Texas where it has been 98 degrees daily for a week now....swimming will be soon. Sigh.

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Megan said...

what a cute swimsuit! well i guess i cant write you a comment talking about how my belly button horrifies anyone, or how my children have given me abnormal stretch marks, but i can say that one day ill be there and you can make fun of me too. its what sisters are for!

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Jeffrey said...

Melissa, are you giving up Southern Maid too??

Anonymous said...

Good news! They are bringing back the retro swimwear for all of us suffering mothers. Thanks to the gals of "Desperate Houswives", we can swim again! just google retro swimsuits. I was happy to discover this and I hope this helps some of you as well. Good luck ladies. :-)