Friday, March 31, 2006

Warning! Be on "High" alert!

I am posting this message a day early so all of you can be on "High" alert. I don't know if all of you are aware as to what tomorrow is, but you should be. Tomorrow is April Fools Day! Some of you are probably thinking, "So what?" Well, I'll tell you "what"! Tomorrow is the one day out of the whole year that you and your entire family should totally avoid my mother. Yes, you heard me! To some she is a friend, an aquaintance. To others she is a teacher or a close relative. Whatever she may be, I am telling you that she is also the "Queen" of April Fools Day! She will get you and your little dog too! Wait a minute, that was a witch. Well, whatever, same difference. It doesn't matter if you live 1,000 miles away or not, she will find a way to ruin you. For the past 364 days she has been plotting and planning the events of this day in that "twisted" little mind of hers. She has been tweeking her plans down to the last detail. You cannot stop her, so don't even try! She has been known to start as early as the stroke of midnight (ask Megan) and go until 11:59pm the night of, so don't put anything past her. She has been known to bring others in on her schemes so watch out for anything suspicious. I would even be a bit leary helping my own neighbor if I saw him fall to the ground clutching his heart in the driveway. He could be in cahoots with her. (ask John) Jimmy, my husband, is so totally intimidated by this woman that last year, short of getting on his knees, he begged her to have mercy on him. If that doesn't convince you then I don't know what will. The only thing I can do is to warn you. This is not a joke! Please whatever you do; don't call her, visit her or even email her on this horrid day. Stay inside your house with the doors locked and the curtains drawn if you have to. It is for your own good! If you choose not to follow the above instructions, then be prepared for the consequences. Don't say I didn't warn you! "Good night, and Good Luck."

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Poker in Preschool?

First, let me start off saying I am glad to have been an "inspiration" to so many of my fellow friends and family members by helping them get started in the "blogging" revolution. It was nothing, really. Second, let me address the fact that in doing this I have somehow been the "butt" of a lot of jokes. Thus, making me reconsider ever inviting you all to my "domain", so to speak. But, because I am such a good sport I figure I will let you all have your fun at my expense. Weather or not, I had anything or everything to do with these so called "jeffrey and lissa-lou" experiences, I will never tell! That is all between me and him! I will however attempt to "quench" that apparent "need" to have stories revealed about our childhood secret antics by telling you one of my favorites.
Jeffrey and I were in Kindergarten at Holy Rosary. Since we had about 4 different teachers that year it is hard for me to remember which one is actually portrayed in this story, but I think it was Mrs. Westerfield. Oh, and no, "we" were not the reason for the short stay of the other 3 teachers that year. I had to clear that up because I know that would have been a "comment" on this blog later.
Anyway, back to the story. Jeffrey and I were in fact inseparable all through elementary years. We watched each other's backs for sure. We could also read each other's minds. There were many reasons for sticking together back in those days. If I was in a "pickle" I could always count on Jeff to help or at least attempt to get me out of it. And the same goes for him. Well, like a said this story took place in kindergarten. I'm sure all of you can remember your kindergarten days if you think real hard. Well, for the most part ours was probably not too much different than yours. We had the red and blue foam-stuffed, fold-up mats. We sat at the same "kidney" shaped tables. We made the same type of masterpieces with the shaving cream on the tables, etc... But, there was one thing that I can "bet" made ours different. Poker! Yup, that's right folks, we learned how to bet in kindergarten. Granted, it was not the same kind of poker you are envisioning in your head. There was no smoke-filled room or kids with green visors running around yelling, "I got 'pocket-rockets'!" But, there were poker chips; just like the ones in the picture above. As most of you know it is a challenge to get a class full of screaming 5 year olds to take a nap on a daily basis. I definitely wouldn't want to meet this task, but hey that is part of the job description for a kindergarten teacher. So...this is where the poker chips come in. Mrs. Westerfield decided that poker chips would be the answer to all her "naptime" nightmares. We would all ritualistically pick out our 48"x 15" area of the floor everyday to get ready for this "dreaded" event. Or was it really so "dreaded"? Not to me and Jeff. We actually looked forward to this time. After we were all as comfortable as one could be on a plastic, foam-stuffed mat we would start the "drifting-off" process. Mrs. Westerfield would roll in the t.v. cart and turn it on to the local "easy-listening" station. You know the "blue" channel that scrolled the news and played the horrible music. Yeah, that one. Anyway, after doing this she would turn down the lights and remind us all of what we would receive if we went to sleep. (the shiny plastic poker chip) Why we cared about the stupid chips is beyond me, but hey we were 5. In the ajoining room of our classroom was a kitchen area and apparently it also acted as a kindergarten teacher's retreat. This is where Mrs. Westerfield would go everyday during our naptime. I don't know what on earth she did in there to this day. I've always wondered.
Well, as soon as the door to the classroom/kitchen would close me and Jeff "ruled" the world. We could do whatever we wanted to do. It was great! This was in fact our "plotting and planning" period of the day. This is where we did our best work! For some reason, unbeknownst to us, the other kids actually went to sleep. Why? We don't know. Maybe they did not have to go home to a family like ours at the end of the day. We didn't ask questions, we just "plotted". After, I don't know 30 minutes or so, Mrs Westerfield would make her way back into the room carrying that plastic, zip-locked bag of poker chips in her hand. She would scan the "blue" lit room with her eyes, looking to see who had actually done what they were supposed to do. Sleep. Well, a lot of you know that from an early age I was taught by my father to "lay down and be still". Little did I know that this training would come back to help me later (3 years) in life. I mean, this was great! I could "lay still" with the best of em'! Jeffrey, of course didn't have the same training I had so he had to be taught. This may be the exact moment in which I became "Master" and he became my "Apprentice"!
Well, if Mrs. Westerfield concluded that you were in fact sleeping, you would wake up to the "shiny" plastic poker chip waiting to greet you from your slumber! I don't exactly remember if the chips were used as a type of "kindergarten" currency or not, I do know however that it was our mission to get every single one. And we did just that, without having to sleep a "wink" our entire kindergarten careers!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

It's Capri season!

Give me a "C"! Give me an "A"! Give me a "P"! Give me an "R"! Give me an "I"! What's that spell? "CAPRI"! GOoooooo Capri's! Sorry, I'm always looking for some reason to pick on the cheerleaders of this world! They're just a little to "peppy" for my taste!
The real point of this blog is to express my own personal excitement on the fact that it is capri season. Is anyone else as excited as I am? Well, you should be! This is a very important moment for me. I am fully aware that most of you reading this blog have been enjoying 70-80 degree weather for a number of weeks now, but I haven't had that luxury. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the Colorado weather; and there is not an inch of my body that misses the horribly humid air down south. Especiallly my hair! Just a little side note. Surely you have all witnessed (in the many pics I send) my incredibly straight, oh so silky hair since I have lived up here. I said goodbye to the "frizz" a long time ago!
Ok, back to the capri story. Like I said, I'm so excited! First, let me personally thank the genius mind that created this wonderful line of clothing. I'm sure it was a woman, and I'm pretty confident that she was a mother too! No man could have ever come up with something so infuential! I'm sure there are women everywhere silently "thanking" the unknown genius every time they slip their legs into a pair of capris. How many times have you gone into your closet on a hot summer morning thinking to yourself, "What in the heck am I gonna wear today?" And, if your closet looks anything like mine you are probably lacking in the "latest" and "greatest" fashion category. But it's all good because hanging right there in front of me is my own personal line of capris! I've got black ones, khaki ones, fitted ones, loose ones, linen ones, name em' I've got em'!
My capris not only calm me down at first glance they are a comfort to my "mother of three" quickly diminishing figure. I don't know about all y'all, but those "beautiful little angels" of mine did a number on this 27 year old body! You won't see me too often sporting a pair of short shorts across town. My days of toned and tanned legs are gone! (at least until I can pull my butt out of bed in the morning to workout before the kids are up) For now, that is not happening! This is where the capris come in. What a comfort they are to put on, knowing that they are cleverly hiding any and all signs of thigh and butt "distress". Not to mention the fact that I only have to shave my legs from the shin down. Yet another advantage of the glorious capri!
I hope I have enlightened you all to the many wonderful reasons why capris are in fact, the best thing since sliced bread! Enjoy Capri season!
Oh, and F.Y.I. those are my legs. My 5 year old took that pic for me this morning. Like my $7 pair of shoes I got from Payless yesterday?

Monday, March 27, 2006

My Little Pharmacist

My oldest, Peyton is a very bright child with a good heart. She is always helping with anything and everything I need to do. I actually don't know what I would do without her. Tonight she was so happy to have found the remedy for my lack of sleep.
For the past few weeks, Jimmy has been reading a chapter a night from the Chronicles of Narnia books with Peyton. Presently they are on "The Silver Chair" book 4. Anyway, tonight they were getting ready to start reading when Peyton caught a glimpse of a commercial on t.v. Jimmy had muted the t.v. while they were reading so when Peyton saw this commercial she raced to the t.v. to turn it up. Jimmy was surprised at her urgency. After watching the entire commercial she turned to Jimmy and said, "Lunesta will help you sleep! I need to tell mom." Jimmy, or course had no idea what was going on. They went back to reading the book. A few minutes later while I was giving Andy his bottle, Peyton interrupted her dad's reading to tell me her discovery. "Mom, you can get some Lunesta and it will help you sleep."
Now, let me say that I am not lacking in sleep any more than your regular stay-at-home mom. The best I can figure is that Peyton is remembering my comments from a few weeks ago when either I was sick or Andy was sick. I had been complaining that I hadn't been getting any sleep.
I can always count on my "Pey-Pey" to take care of me.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

The Devil made me do it!

As hard as this is for me to admit, I bit the "mean" comment bait that was left for me on my "Laundry Smaundry" entry. What makes it even harder to swallow was that it was posted by my own mother. That's right folks, my mother, the woman who gave birth to me. I have to say when I first read the comment, I was totally surprised and offended that this random "non-blogger" would have the nerve to say this to me. I immediately started on my next entry, "I've hit a nerve!", which might I add was probably just what my mother, aka "evil mother of three cosby kids" wanted me to do. Like my title says, "The Devil made me do it!".
Most of you know my mother or have met my mother at least once; but not all of you really know the true "Melony" the "sick and twisted" Melony. I could fill a book on the many ways she has emotionally scarred her family and friends, most of all her own children. We should really all be in therapy. I guess that is why we all have taken up blogging for our own personal outlet. We thought it would be a safe place to express our feelings. But no, there is no hiding from the treachery of our mother. She is everywhere; just waiting to pounce on us in our most weakest of moments.
Like I said, after reading the comment for the first time I was appalled. But then, more and more as I thought about the actual words written it became clearly apparent as to who the culprit was! I thought about it all night, and even during church this morning. I had analyzed the heck out of these cruel words and was ready to confront my "devil" mother.
So...I waited until I knew she was out of church (where I can only hope she was so strongly convicted) this morning to call her and ask her if she was in fact the "evil mother of 3 cosby kids". At first she played dumb (like always). Then, all I could hear was the sound of that oh so evil laugh of satisfaction! A laugh that I am way too familiar with. Somehow she "feeds" off malicious deception. I don't know why it took me so long to piece it all together. Once again my mother has successfully managed to push all the right buttons. Kudos Mom!